Lesson Learned

Everytime we come so close to making things happen,
Something always seems to interfere.
Funny thing is, as a child
I was always told that if a man is truly
interested in a woman, he will figure out
a way to make sure things happen.
I'm not sure where things became lost in
translation but it seems as though
lately, I've been walking into dead ends streets.
Everytime I think I see the light in the path ahead,
it's burned out by the time I reach my destination.
Well, I'm done following the trail that leads no where.
I'm ready to see where the other trails in the road lead.
This time, I'm going to go right instead of left.
I'm not going to look back.
I'm going to head towards the gold at the end of the rainbow.
This time there will be no fool there!
Only joy and happiness.
Peaceful and blissful.
No wondering if I should keep trudging ahead
trying to find my way alone, because this time
I'll know where I'm headed and not wondering with whom.
Thanks for all the lessons learned.
Without them, I wouldn't know what resolution, happiness,
completeness, contentment, and love thy self means.
These lessons have been more than I could ever have imagined.
There is no anger in my heart because if there was,
I wouldn't be able to go on.

Trouble Is

Trouble Is
Although we agreed to be
Just Friends
I can't help the
Feelings I have

Trouble Is
When I see you
With her
It tears me up
everytime

Trouble Is
You're who I desire
The one
I want for
Myself

Trouble Is
If I didn't love you
like I do
I'd keep you all
To Myself

Trouble Is
When we're in the
Same room
You put joy into
My heart

Trouble Is
Being next to you
Sends my world
Shaking and trembling
hurting and aching

Trouble Is
Your actions aren't
Backing up
What your mouth
Is saying

Trouble Is
You're too much of a
Good guy
To break a woman's
Heart

Addicted

I'm addicted
to the way he smells
on a cold winter's night

I'm addicted
to the way he smiles
when he talks about life

I'm addicted
To the cologne he leaves behind
in his pillow and T-shirt

I'm addicted
to holding him close
to my body all night

I'm addicted
to his soft gentle kisses
all down the middle of my back

I'm addicted
to the way his hands
fit perfectly around my waist

I'm addicted
to watching him shower and
seeing the water run down his caramel skin

I'm addicted
to licking him from the
bottom of his neck to his chin

I'm addicted
to feeling his body around my body
breathing in sync with me

I'm addicted
I'm addicted
I'm
Addicted

Thinking

You make me feel like a kid again
Thinking back on the times when
I used to see you pass by me in the halls
On your way to class, I'd get
choked up just trying to say
Hello.

I'd write you name over and over
again in my notebook. Making
your last name mine and putting
our first names enclosed in a
heart.

Back in the day, all you
had to do was smile at me
and my whole day was
wonderful. Nothing could take
away my feeling of floating on
air.

I would sometimes watch you take
a drink from the water fountain and
every once in a while, I'd see you wipe
that one drip that made it to your
chin.

Boy, you have no idea how everything
you did send chills up my spine. All
you did, made me feel all tingling
inside.

At night, I would close my eyes and
concentrate on making sure my dreams
were about you. With the two of us
slow dancing cheek to cheek in a warm
embrace.

Hard Times at Christmas

Hello Mama! I pray all is well with you! I know you want to kick my butt right now. I still haven't been back to see you in almost two years now. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I'm not ready to see you. This is the time of year when everyone is happy and joyous and surrounded by family having dinner and catching up. I know that's what you want to do with me, but I'm just not ready yet.

Yes, I understand that Christmas Day is your birthday and in the past, it was tradition for all of us kids to brings the grandkids to your house for a grand celebration, but I just haven't been feeling that way lately.

It certainly isn't because I've stopped loving you or caring about you. It's just that I've been really trying to focus on what we talked about as far as my career is concerned. I'm really trying to do what I have to for my future. It's a long hard road, but it's keeping me focused and my mind occupied.

I know there's NO excuse for me not stopping by and saying hello every once in a while, but I do have a valid one. Well, at least I think it's valid. And, I really am trying to make time to work up the nerve to face the music. I'm not sure if you've even settled in your new surroundings. How are your new neighbors? They seemed like really nice people. At least that's what we were told.

I'm not sure if you knew this, but I sat outside on your lawn everyday for the first eight weeks just to make sure you were adjusting well. Once I saw that they had added your new address, I felt comfortable with not visiting as much. Then one day, I just couldn't bare going there anymore. I could tell that you would be alright.

I spent a lot of my days crying and asking why. Why did I have to lose my mother? Why wasn't there something I could have done to help save her? Why did it have to be something so rare and devasting that took you away? When will I become alright with visiting your new home? When will I finally accept that this is how things are?

All I want is one last hug that I can remember, one last time to hear your voice and one last time to smell your scent. So, I know that you can forgive me for not visiting you at the moment, but I do talk to you all the time. I feel your presence everyday. I see you in my daughter's eyes. I feel you always deep in my heart.

So, today on this eve of your birthday, I wanted to take some time out and tell you Happy Birthday, Mommy and I love you forever and always!

A Woman's Thoughts (I Didn't Know)

Things are so complicated right now! I really want to be with you, but I'm with someone who I don't love! It's really starting to become bothersome seeing you with HER cuddling up cozy by the fire. That should be me in your arms. Why did I let you go? What's wrong with me? The time apart wasn't going to be forever. You said, no...you promisd me you'd be back. I told you to go and do what you need to do and if things were meant to be, then they would. I didn't know that things were not going to be ME and YOU together. I didn't know that when you went away you'd come back with someone else. I didn't know that you could or would fall in love with someone else. I wish I were like
Superman and had the power to turn back time. Because if I could, then it would be me and you with our happily ever after. Instead, it's me looking from the outside in wishing and wanting to be with you. Hugging you felt like the right thing. It felt like old times. Like, WE were together again. Instead, it's her. Why do I have to feel like the other woman? Why do I have to step aside? Why do I have to bow down? Maybe if I just click my heels together three times...click, click, click! Nope! Nothing! She's still right next to you! I played the game of chess and you checked me. I'm sorry! I really messed up this time. Can we go back to when we were kids and play takesy, backsy? Give it to me straight. You don't love her. She's just a decoy, right? She's just the one you're with in the meantime. I know you really want me! Just say the word and I'm there. Come on now! I promise I'll say yes! I guess it's not gonna happen. Too much time has passed. I guess it's time for me to accept the inevitable. You love her now. I guess I'll have to wait until our next lifetime. Just know, I love you...

Seasons

Flowers bloom
Rain falls
Rainbows glow
My love for you grows stronger every day

Day comes
Night falls
Stars fall
The desire to have you with me is strong

Grass grows
Winds blow
Leave fall
I'm not ready for you to go on

Ice chills
Frost bites
Fires crackle
My heart will always be for you